Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
