Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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