See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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