I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
