dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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