Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
