If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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