OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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