Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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