i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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