she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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