I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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