I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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