drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize