I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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