Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I look better un-naked...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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