ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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