Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
