At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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