3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
