Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
