Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
