Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
