its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
