whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
