I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
