I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
