I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
