I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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