They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
