she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
