your room smells of hookers.
And success
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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