Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dick very happy bro
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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