Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
