My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
