all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
