so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
