guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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