have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
