Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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