i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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