No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
