He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
