okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
