Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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