dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We need to rekindle our bromance
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
