i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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