Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
