new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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