u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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