I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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