So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
