i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
