So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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