Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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