So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
