I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
