i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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