so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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