I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
