I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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