Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
