what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
