Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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