I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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