ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
