so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
