Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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