I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
