When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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