'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can feel your judgement through the phone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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