Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
