Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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