woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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