happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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