Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
