just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
