you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
