only if we run a train.
done.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
