Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
