Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
