The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
3 2 1 whiskey
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
