my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
